You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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