this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
