burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
