I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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