oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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