Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
