So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
