All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
