Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
