apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
