Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
