Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
