he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I deserve this hangover.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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