The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
