i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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