i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
BRING THE BAGELS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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