just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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