the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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