didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
