Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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