I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
