suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
