My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
