is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
