I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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