Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drake has all the answers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
