Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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