guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
