this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize