I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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