then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
