Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
