Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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