im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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