and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize