there's paper in my vomit.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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