my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
