Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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