both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
