You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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