Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
