She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
