Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
