Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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