He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
