Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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