if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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