Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
