Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
