i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
