You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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