Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
