just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize