The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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