Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
