I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
