Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
