EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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