either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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