One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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