i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
