Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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