Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
