My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
