i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
