I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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