Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize