My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
