So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
